I hate Dr. Terris. I hate her. I hate her.

She did not talk to me. She did not look at me. She looked at the readouts. She looked at the monitors. She looked at the machinery. She looked at Rylan. She looked at Dr. Joric. She never looked at me. Day in and day out she's got electrodes on my head and things in my face. Despite Dr. Joric's vast amounts of data and notes, she wants to do it all over again, her way. I am a thing again.

She does not treat... things... lightly. Things are not to be coddled. They are to be prodded. Prodded. PRODDED.

There are no more afternoons in the Commons. There are no more quiet meals with Rylan. My life is now this room. This room and the lab. That is it. That is all. I can't go anywhere, or do anything until these seizures stop and my brain... works like a brain again... But Dr. Terris wants to do it HER way. Her way sucks.

This morning, she was hooking me up to a new rig. It was a series of wires that were supposed to map out my... something. I don't know. I wasn't listening. Electrodes and doodads all over me again. I hated it. I still hate it. She's all business, no-nonsense, and she expects me to be the same. But I can't. Anytime something hurts, Dr. Joric would at least be observant and stop to assess the situation. Her? She just adds to the report that I'm a little bitch. I'm not. I'm just in a lot of pain. My head throbs all the goddamn time now.

"What is your earliest memory?" Her voice was flat.

My head hurt. "What?"

"Earliest. Memory." She repeated, not looking up from her datapad. "Date. Time. Location."

My head hurt. My head hurt. "Don't know."

"I don't know." She corrected me. "And you do. You just do not want to access it. The neural pathway is there. I can see it. You are being difficult."

"It's hard to think." I say.

"Noted. Now answer the question."

My head hurt.

"Subject is being non-compliant." She said to the room. To Dr. Joric. To Rylan. They were there, watching.

"Doctor," Dr. Joric stepped forward. "Perhaps we could take a break. She's been at this for three hours."

"The brain does not take breaks, Doctor. The brain works. Or it does not. Her brain has chosen to be lazy." She turned to me. "What is the name of your mother."

I don't... I don't know. I see a face. A Mënskan face. It's screaming at me. The face is...

There's a Taijekan face, too. It's soft. It's smiling. Which one? Which one is mine?

"I don't know."

"I am growing tired of that answer." She said. "I will ask one more time. What is the name of your mother."

Tears. My tears. Why am I crying? I'm not sad. My head is just... HURTING.

"Subject's synaptic activity is spiking. Emotional centers are firing erratically. Ooh, she is having a reaction. Let's see how far we can push it."

"What?" Rylan said. "You're not planning on inducing a seizure on purpose, are you?"

"Not induce. Observe." Dr. Terris said. "There is a difference."

My breath hitched. The world tilted. I could feel that familiar tightening in my chest, the static rising in my ears.

"It's starting." Dr. Terris said. "Document it. Document everything."

Dr. Joric moved towards me. "Doctor, we have to stop. This is reckless."

"Reckless is letting the subject's mind atrophy." Dr. Terris said. "This is necessary. We cannot solve the issue without seeing it ourselves. All of your notes and simulations are not enough."

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't see. All I could feel was the pain. A hot, white, blinding pain. And t—

...

"Lynette!"

I was on the floor. Dr. Joric was kneeling beside me, holding my head. Rylan was standing over us, his face was rather pale. Dr. Terris was nowhere to be seen. My throat was raw. I must have been screaming.

"Let me help you up." He said.

He helped me to my hooves. I was shaking. I leaned against him for support. I could feel the rapid beat of his heart against my cheek.

"Where is she?" I rasped.

"I don't know." Dr. Joric said. "She left a while ago." He helped me to the bed. "Are you okay?"

"No."

"What do you need?"

"I need her to go away."

Dr. Joric sighed. "I know. But she's not going to. Not unless we have a reason to remove her from the project. And right now, the Board sees her as our best chance at a solution to your cognitive health."

"But she's killing me."

"I don't agree with her methods either, but my hands are tied here. The Director is not someone to be trifled with. He wants results, and Dr. Terris provides them, even if they are... extreme."

I took a sip of some water. It was cold and hot and...

My head hurts.

"She doesn't care about me."

"She cares about the project." Dr. Joric said. "But at least I'm rational enough to not kill off our one shot at this."

"It's... cruel."

"You've been plenty cruel to those who look like me." Rylan said from the corner of the room.

"You must be enjoying this, then."

"I'm not. No one deserves this. Not even you."

"Then why bring it up? If not to revel in my misery?"

"Its her reasoning. I think... Eye for an eye ordeal, I guess. She's not considerate because you weren't."

"...I guess so. I... I just want her to stop."

"I'm sorry. I really am."

I wanted to believe that someone, anyone, was on my side.

Dr. Terris didn't speak to me again. She just watched the monitors, and concentrated on her data. She was learning how the NAME functioned, how I functioned, just so she could ridicule Dr. Joric about it.

"The resonance cascade is inefficient. You are bleeding energy through the primary conduits channel Theta, Kappa, and Chi. This is a problem you claimed to have solved in your dissertation. Were you lying then, or are you simply incompetent now?"

"There are variables you cannot possibly understand, Hailey. The biological component creates an unstable environment that a purely mechanical system would not have. It's how we regulate the synaptic pressure."

"Its Dr. Terris to you, Louis."

"Then it's Dr. Joric to you."

I had never heard Dr. Joric be so... snippy. His face was flushed, and I could see the tension in his shoulders, the way he held himself. He was trying to keep his cool, but it was slipping.

"Look at your memetic sorter ruleset, tell me, does this look familiar to you? Because it looks like something we wrote together three years ago, Louis."

"It works."

"Is that all you care about? That it 'works'? Don't you want to know why it works? Don't you want to know how to make it better? Or are you content to just... stumble your way through this, hoping for the best?"

"I am not stumbling."

"Then what would you call it? You've had the subject here for months, and what have you accomplished? A fifty percent brain integrity score? That's pathetic. I could have gotten you to seventy-five in a week."

"Oh I am so sure you could, when you could hardly get a patient to say 'hello' in twenty six months!" Dr. Joric yelled.

They weren't even looking at me anymore. They were arguing over the machines.

"That was not my fault. My Synaptic Resonator project was a failure due to external factors beyond my control, and you know it."

"Your Synaptic Resonator!? Just your!?"

"Yes, just mine!"

"Huh! Then I guess I just imagined myself co-authoring the primary papers! That I didn't spend nights in the lab, hunched over a monitor, trying to figure out why the damn machine kept electrocuting the test subjects' brains!" Dr. Joric's voice was trembling with a rage that I had never seen in him before. "Your project!? It was our project!"

She scoffed.

"You were an assistant, Louis. An assistant who was lucky to be in the room. I let you think you were more, but that was your mistake, not mine."

"I was more than an assistant and you know it! I wrote half the code! I designed the resonance cascade matrix! I..."

"You 'helped', Louis. You were a good assistant, but you were never my partner."

"Oh don't you start your shit again, Hailey. I was as much a part of that as you were. I was there for everything." Dr. Joric was practically vibrating with anger.

"U-um..."

"I was there for your promotion. I was there for the award ceremony. I was most certainly there when I had to explain to the Board why our star patient was DEAD!"

"That wasn't my fault! The board cut our funding! We told them what would happen!"

"And you were the one who couldn't make it work! You couldn't adapt! You were so focused on stroking your ego, that you couldn't make it work with the parts we had! I had to do it myself! I had to..."

"Make it worse?"

"At least I did something! At least I tried! You just gave up!"

"...Excuse me..."

"Oh don't you DARE. You're a child, Louis. A child playing with toys he doesn't understand. You always were!"

"You're an arrogant fool who thinks she's better than anyone else!"

"I'm arrogant? I'm smart, that's why you stole half of my shit to make the NAME work!"

"I didn't steal anything! It was all mine!"

"You built it under MY project, it was never yours to begin with!" Dr. Terris yelled.

"Excuse me!"

"WHAT!?"

Both doctors turned their attention to the new voice. Standing in the door, datapad in hand, was a Taijekan woman. She looked to be a... possum... I think. I don't know. Her fur was a light grey, and her hair was dyed an amber color. She was wearing a lab coat, but she looked like she was in her mid to late twenties, rather than the forty something the other doctors were. The woman had a small, black, half-moon-shaped marking under her left eye, and simple earrings dangled from her long ears. The entire getup was professional and clean.

"Who are you?" Dr. Terris snapped.

The woman tapped the keycard dangling on her chest. "Cognitive Specialist Dr. Mina-Tara-Volkov the second... Or... Just Dr. Volkov. I was told to report to... Dr. Joric? I assume that's... you?" She looked at Dr. Terris, waiting for an answer.

"Cognitive Specialist... Yet you hardly look like you graduated secondary." Dr. Terris said.

"I graduated early." Dr. Volkov said. "I was a Research Assistant for two years, and now this is my second year being a doctor... So I guess I am still new to this, but I'm fully qualified. Or at least, I have a certificate that says I am." She smiled.

"Right." Dr. Terris said. "Well, if you're quite done with your little introduction, perhaps you could give us the room. We are in the middle of something."

Dr. Volkov looked between the two of them. Her smile faltered. "Oh. I'm sorry. I'll just..."

"Dr. Volkov, please do stay." Dr. Joric said, reaching a hand out. "Its a pleasure to meet you. Director Harken was set on finding the perfect candidate, so that means you're the best in your field. Its quite an honor to have you aboard." He walked to the door to shake her hand.

Dr. Volkov gave him a firm handshake. She seemed to relax a little now that she wasn't being scolded. "Its a pleasure to meet you too, Dr. Joric. I've still got a bit of reading up to do, but what I've seen of your work is remarkable."

"I appreciate the kind words." Dr. Joric said.

"I am sure you do."

Dr. Volkov's gaze returned back to Dr. Terris. "Doctor...?"

"Dr. Hailey Terris. I was brought in to help Louis with his... hardware problems."

"Hardware problems? I thought this was about a biological issue."

"It is. And it isn't. There's a lot of moving parts." Dr. Joric explained. "But Dr. Terris is just here to assist for now."

"I see." Dr. Volkov said.

She then looked at me, and her smile faltered.

"Oh. Hello there."

I couldn't bring myself to speak. I just stared. I was afraid.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stare." Dr. Volkov said, walking towards me. "You must be Six-Eight-Two, yes?"

I flinched a bit.

"Ah, I... That's just what's on the reports so I just... I get it. I'd rather not be called a number either." She said. "May I ask your name, then?"

"L-Lynette." I said.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Lynette." Dr. Volkov said. "You can just call me Mina. I don't much care for being called Doctor by patients. It makes me feel old."

I could see Dr. Terris's jaw tighten from across the room. Dr. Joric, on the other hand, looked rather calm now.

She turned her gaze to Rylan. "And you must be the assistant, Correct?"

"That's me."

"I've read a few of your reports. You're a good writer. Very descriptive. I appreciate that."

"I do my best."

"Are you finished with your introductions, Mina? Some of us have actual work to do." Dr. Terris said. "You can finish it later."

"Its... Docto—"

"I'm aware of your name." Dr. Terris said. "I'm also aware of your inexperience. So I will call you by your title once you earn it." Her gaze lingered on Dr. Joric. "And do what you're told."

"Right. Sorry."

She picked up her datapad and went straight to reading, shuffling to a corer of the room to observe. Rylan gave Dr. Terris a look before turning to me and giving me a weak smile. I wanted to smile back, but I couldn't.

Dr. Joric cleared his throat. "Now, Dr. Volkov, have you had a chance to read over some of the more recent reports regarding the subject's seizures?"

"Not in depth." Mina said. "I've skimmed some of your assistant's notes, as well as some of your own, but I'm still trying to get a grasp of the project's history. Its... a lot." She looked at Dr. Terris. "But I'm sure I'll get it all sorted out."

Dr. Terris didn't look up from her datapad.

"I will be sure to provide you with all the necessary materials." Dr. Joric said. "Rylan, if you would be so kind as to compile Lynette's full file for Dr. Volkov, I would be most appreciative."

"Right away, Doctor."

Mina seemed nice. I watched as they all spoke together, going over jargon with one another like it was the most fascinating thing in the world. I think the most fascinating thing would be a big sandwich right now. I didn't say anything, though. I just sat on the bed and listened.

"These charts do not add up... Nothing to just... Instantaneous spikes in the Alpha band like this." Mina looked at the monitors. "Shouldn't you be using something like an Anticonvulsant?"

"We tried." Dr. Joric said. "It caused an even worse reaction than before. We're not entirely sure why."

"Hmm... What did you use last? A standard Tegritol?" Mina asked.

"No. It was a more experimental drug. A variation of a GABA-A modulator."

"How odd... That shouldn't have had that reaction... Maybe the NAME is having a severe reaction to an external factor?"

"Such as?"

Mina hummed for a bit. "Stress? No... Its not consistent with something like that."

"What are you thinking?" Dr. Joric asked.

"To me, these spikes look like On/Off switches. Not a gradual build up like in a typical seizure." She said. "They'd have to be triggered by... I don't know... some kind of sudden jolt to the system."

"It could be a power surge." Dr. Terris said, not looking up from her datapad.

"Unlikely. The NAME has multiple redundant power sources. A surge would be compensated for in microseconds." Dr. Joric said.

"Then maybe its software."

"I've run diagnostics a dozen times. I've rebooted the connection. There are no bugs."

"Hardware?" Mina suggested. "Could one of the internal microneedles be damaged? Maybe its sending a false signal?"

"I can't run that kind of diagnostic without removing the receiver." Dr. Joric said. "And we can't do that until we stabilize her brain integrity."

"We can't stabilize her brain integrity if she keeps having seizures."

"And we can't prevent the seizures unless we fix the receiver."

"Quite the predicament." Mina mused. "What if we try a different approach?"

"Such as?"

"Well, you've said that you can't use standard anticonvulsants, correct?"

"Correct."

"Then... what if we try to trick the brain?"

"What are you, a magician?"

"No. I'm a Cognitive Specialist." Mina said, a little more firmly this time. "The brain is a pattern-matching machine. It likes predictability. It likes routine. So what if we give it a routine? A pattern so strong, so consistent, that it overrides the seizure activity?"

"And how, exactly, do you propose we do that?" Dr. Terris asked. "By having her count sheep in her head?"

"Something like that. But more... structured." Mina said. "I want to try a guided meditation. A very specific one, designed to engage the parasympathetic nervous system. It won't stop the seizures, but it might... soften them. Make them less frequent. Or at least, less intense."

"Meditation. You're joking." Dr. Terris said.

"Actually..." Dr. Joric said. "If we can create a specific pattern of thought, and have the NAME learn to recognize it, it could, in theory, be used as a baseline. And if the system detects a deviation from that baseline, it could intervene."

"Intervene how?"

"With a localized electrical stimulus."

"No."

All three of them turned to look at me. My hands were clenched into fists, and my knuckles were white.

"No." I said again. "I'm not... I'm not letting you..." I couldn't get the words out. Getting shocked in the head hurt the most. It was...

Agonizing. They only did it a few times when I was... when I couldn't control myself... But it was the worst feeling in the world.

"It wouldn't be like the aversion therapy. It would be a micro-stimulus. Barely a tingle. You'd barely feel it." Dr. Joric said.

"No."

"I agree with the subject." Dr. Terris said. "It's a half-baked, naive solution to a complex problem. It's the kind of thing I'd expect from a junior doctor."

"It's better than your solution, which is to do nothing and hope for the best." Dr. Joric said. "The NAME can't do everything on its own, Hailey. It needs input. It needs to learn. And right now, the only thing it's learning is how to have a seizure."

"I fail to see how teaching it how to meditate is going to fix a faulty receiver." Dr. Terris said.

"It won't. But it will delay the frequency of seizures. Thus, reducing the long term damage, and giving us more time to work on other solutions." Dr. Joric said. "Its a temporary solution. But at least it's something."

"Temporary solutions lead to permanent problems."

"I'm not continuing this debacle." Dr. Joric said. "If you want to hold my flaws over my head Hailey, then do it after we try something, not before. You talk about how the NAME can do this and the NAME can do that, but you're not the one who built it. I am. So I think I have a better understanding of its limitations than you do."

"...Whatever you say, Doctor."

Lunchtime. I still wasn't allowed to go to the mess hall, and Rylan wasn't allowed to bring anything back up, so all I could have was some vegetable broth. I sat in my bed, sipping away at the bowl as Mina and Dr. Joric went over more of their reports. Dr. Terris I'd imagine went back to the other wing to eat there, probably because she thought she was too high a status to be found eating in Commons. It was odd to see Dr. Joric eat. I don't know why that is, probably because I had never seen him actually eat before. But seeing him just eat a sandwich like a normal person was weird. Mina was having some kind of fruit mix.

"...The brain is trying to reconcile two..."

"...The seizure activity is a direct result of..."

"...If we could just..."

They were just babbling.

"And this 'meditation' you speak of..."

"Mhm?"

"How does it work, exactly?"

"Are you familiar with meditation at all, Doctor?"

"Not really."

"Ah, well, its quite simple, really. It's a practice where an individual uses a technique—such as focusing the mind on a particular object, thought, or activity—to train attention and awareness, and achieve a mentally clear and emotionally calm and stable state."

"Go on."

"By engaging in this practice, one can reduce stress, anxiety, and depression. It can also improve focus, and even lower blood pressure. It's a very effective tool for a wide range of mental and physical ailments."

"I see."

"The one I am suggesting is designed to specifically target the parasympathetic nervous system. It's a series of guided breathing exercises and visualizations, all set to a specific, rhythmic beat. Due to how On/Off the seizure patterns are... I'm not sure we can identify a buildup and prevent it that way. So, we must do something else. If we can get the brain into a deeply relaxed state, it will be more difficult for the aberrant signals to 'take hold' and trigger a seizure. The brain will essentially be... too calm to seize."

"Hm."

"I would need to do it in a location that is... shall I say secluded from all of this equipment." Mina gestured at the room. "I can't imagine trying to relax in here. The lights, the sounds, the sheer presence of it all..."

"The gardens, perhaps?"

"Right! The gardens would be perfect. I'd also like to try some aromatherapy as well, if possible. Some lavender, chamomile... The brain is heavily influenced by scent. It's a very primal sense. It bypasses a lot of the higher-level cognitive functions and speaks directly to the limbic system. It could be a powerful tool."

"Hmmm..."

"I-if I may, that is."

Dr. Joric hummed for a moment. He took a bite of his sandwich, chewing thoughtfully. I just sat there, finishing my broth. The gardens sounded fun.

"Alright." Dr. Joric said. "We can try it. I will have Rylan get access to the east garden for the afternoon, and I will be monitoring her from here. I want to be able to intervene at a moment's notice if something goes wrong." He turned to me. "Lynette, are you comfortable with that?"

I wanted to go. I wanted to get out of this room. So I nodded.

"Excellent." Dr. Joric said. He unclipped a radio from his side and flicked it on. "Rylan, are you there?"

"...Yes, Doctor?"

"Dr. Volkov and Lynette will be headed to the east garden for a therapy session. I need you to see if there is a spot available for them, please."

"Right away. Shall I accompany her?"

"It would be best for me to remain uninterrupted, Doctor." Mina said. "Its important that she feels as safe and comfortable as possible. And the presence of multiple observers might be counterproductive to that."

Dr. Joric nodded slowly. "Understood. Rylan, you will remain on standby outside the garden entrance. I'll have the external cameras routed to my datapad."

"Understood." Rylan's voice crackled through the radio.

Dr. Joric then turned to Mina. "Route your radio comms to channel 22, then feel free to proceed."

"Right."

And just like that, it was decided. I was finally getting out. It felt like a small victory. I was so caught up in it, I didn't notice Mina come over.

"Ready to go, Lynette?"

I nodded. She offered me her arm. I took it. My hands were trembling, but I wasn't afraid.

...

...

...

The walk to the garden is rather uneventful. Its the same path as to the mess hall, but you keep going further down the hall and into a small room with walls of glass, looking directly out into the garden. Its rather small, and there's only one elevator. Rylan taps his keycard against the wall and presses the button to call the lift. I can see it in the distance. Rather than a standard metal elevator, its made entirely of glass and its traveling in a horizontal path rather than directly up or down. It slides into the room, and the doors open.

I've never been in an elevator like this before. Its... odd. Feels vintage, with a wood and brass finish as opposed to the usual cold steel. It was nice.

"After you." Rylan said.

We stepped inside. Mina pressed a button, and the elevator began to move. The glass wall showed a panoramic view of the entire east wing. The elevator descended at a steady, silent pace, revealing more and more of the world outside.

Up close, the gardens were... beautiful. A sprawling tapestry of green and violet. I could see gardeners tending to the plants, and other patients milling about or on benches, taking in the scenery. The elevator came to a stop at a small, circular platform. The doors opened, and a wave of fresh, clean air washed over me. The "sun" was warm on my fur. The air smelled of dirt and sweet flowers. I liked it.

"Alright." Rylan said. "This is as far as I go. Doctor, Lynette, please be careful. I'll be a radio call away if you need me."

"Thank you, Rylan." Mina said. "We'll be fine."

He gave me a small smile before the elevator doors slid shut, and he was gone. It was just me and Mina.

"Shall we?"

She led me down a small dirt path. The ground was soft beneath my hooves, and it took me a minute to adjust. I peered out beyond the dome, and it was a clear sky as far as I could see. The sun was high in the air, and some clouds rolled past the base of the dome itself. The sky itself was painted with a myriad of colors, not quite bright blue, but something more like a gradient, gradually shifting to a violet-black near the top. It was beautiful.

"Its so pretty out here..."

"I'm glad you like it." Mina said. "I think it's important for the mind to have a connection to... well, to the world. You spend too much time in that room. It's not healthy. For anyone."

"Why even is there a garden here?"

"Well, there's a plethora of reasons, but the main one is for the patients. Being in a sterile environment all the time can be... taxing on the mind. The garden is a way to provide a sense of normalcy, a taste of the outside world. A lot of the research done here is... intensive. The garden is a place to decompress."

"I see." I said.

"Some of the plants grown here are also used in synthesizing chemicals. Be it for medication or just in general, its nice to have a self sufficient supply of certain things."

"Huh."

We continued down the path. I could hear the faint chirping of some birds, but I couldn't see any. I could feel a light breeze going around, but it had to have been artificial.

"Alright, right here is good."

We came to a small, secluded clearing. There was a single bench, and a small, bubbling fountain. The sound of the water was relaxing. Mina guided me to the bench, and we both sat down.

"How come you know so much about the gardens?" I asked. "Do you come here a lot?"

"I did during a large majority of my assistant years, yes. I was on a different project, but I still got a lot of use out of them." Mina said, rummaging through her bag. "When you're dealing with people who have... severe cognitive issues, it's good to have a place where you can just... be. Where you don't have to be a doctor, or a researcher, or an assistant. You can just be a person. And you can let your patient be a person too."

"Was your projects... like mine?"

"Not even close. And I'm thankful for that." Mina said. "I worked with veterans. People from the great war, ones who had seen... things. Things no one should ever have to see. A lot of them had PTSD. Some had severe head trauma. A lot of them were just... broken."

"They came here to get those memories etched out, and while the doctors did most of the heavy lifting, the residual primal instincts were still there. People ended up being afraid of things they could no longer recall, and that made them even more terrified. It was... a back and forth process, for sure."

"Like being afraid of the dark and not knowing why."

"Precisely. Some things you can't fix with a machine. You have to fix them with... well, with a person."

Mina pulled out a small, black, rectangular device from her bag. She placed it on the bench between us, and after a few taps on a datapad, a soft, rhythmic humming started emanating from it.

"This is a bioresonant emitter." She explained. "It will produce a very low-frequency sound. Inaudible to the conscious mind, but it will help to entrain your brainwaves to a specific state. It's a very gentle form of brainwave synchronization. It will help you to relax, and it will also give the NAME a clear, consistent signal to latch onto."

She then pulled out two small vials, one filled with a clear liquid, the other with a pale, purple oil.

"And this is lavender oil. We'll put a few drops on this cloth, and you can hold it. The scent will help to calm your limbic system."

She put a few drops of the oil on a small, white cloth and handed it to me. The scent was pleasant, at least it was if I didn't breathe it in too hard.

"Alright. Are you ready?" Mina asked.

I nodded.

"Good. Now, just follow along to the sound of my voice." She said. "Close your eyes, and take a deep breath in. And as you breathe out, just... let go of all the tension in your body. Just... let it all go."

"I... don't know how to do that."

"That's okay, its not like a switch in your body that you can just flip, it's more of a gradual process. You just have to... allow yourself to relax. Don't force it." Mina's voice was soft, but I could still make out the words. "I want you to focus on your breathing. Just the simple act of breathing in. And breathing out. In. And out. You don't need to control it. Just... observe it. Watch it happen. Like waves on a shore. Coming in. And going out."

"I've never been to the shore."

"Hmmm... Well, just imagine it. The water, coming in, and then pulling back. Over and over. Can you do that for me?"

"...Okay."

"Good. Now, I want you to imagine a warm, golden light, just above your head. And as you breathe in, I want you to imagine that light flowing down into your body, filling you with warmth and peace. And as you breathe out, I want you to imagine any stress, any pain, any fear, just... leaving your body. Just flowing out of you, and disappearing."

"To wh—"

"Shhh... Just let your body flow. Listen to the sounds around you. The fountain, the birds, the wind in the leaves. Let them be a part of you. Don't try to analyze them. Just... let them be. Just let them wash over you."

I closed my eyes, and I tried to focus on the fountain. The water was... nice. I liked the water. I could feel the warmth of the sun on my fur. The lavender oil in my hand... it was nice. I was... I was calm.

"That's it. You're doing great. Now, I want you to think of a safe place. A place where you feel completely and utterly safe. A place where no one can hurt you. It can be real, or it can be imaginary. It doesn't matter. All that matters is that it's a place of safety, a place of peace. Can you do that for me, Lynette?"

...

Could I

A safe place... Alright...

I tried to picture one. A room. A room with no color. A room with no windows. No doors. A room where no one could get in. A room where no one could get out. But it was too bright. I tried to make it darker.

But as I dimmed the lights, the walls changed colors. From a pure white, to a deep red.

Odd.

I... felt scared? But... it wasn't me who was scared. It was someone else. I was watching myself. Not herself, me. I could see myself, sitting in the middle of the room. And I was... I was...

BANG

BANG

BANG

Slamming on the walls, but there were no walls. It was just... red.

It was so loud.

It was so...

I couldn't breathe.

BANG

BANG

BANG

Something was trying to get in. Something was trying to get...

CRACK!

The walls began to crack and shatter, maimed claws poked and prodded, ripping up material from every corner of the room as they tried to get in.

I wanted to run. But I couldn't move.

BANG

BANG

BANG

The cracks grew wider, and from them poured... faces.

Taijekan. But they weren't.

Their maws were twisted and gnarled, their faces literally falling off of the bone. Their eyes were bloodshot and hollow. Taijekan of all types, wolves, goats, predator, prey, all trying to get to me.

They were monsters.

"S-stop."

It didn't work.

CRACK!

The walls shattered completely. And the monsters poured in. All of them. Their gnarled hands reached for me.

But I wouldn't move. I mustered all of the willpower that I had, and I shouted.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!"

It didn't work.

Then came the first. A great big wolf, its face half rotted and torn, it grabbed my arm, and then it started to...

Eat.

"NNNONONO-AAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Then came the second. And the third. And the fourth.

...

"GK...! IH... RGRGGGGRG...!"

The only sound I could hear was the crunching of my bones, and the gurgling of my blood in my torn throat. My vocal cords were ripped from my throat. My intestines spilled out onto the floor, and a goat-like creature started to dig its teeth into my liver. My vision was blurry, but I could see my arms being torn from their sockets, my legs being split in half.

I was being eaten alive by monsters.

"AAAAAAA...! IH... GRRRGGG...!"

They were all around me. Clawing and biting. Tearing me apart.

I was being unmade.

"GET AWAY!!!"

"GET AWAY FROM ME!!!"

I tried to thrash, I tried to fight back, but I couldn't. My arms were pinned down. I was trapped.

"GET AWAY! GET AWAY! GET AWAY!"

"Lynette!?"

GET A—

I opened my eyes.

Mina had a tight grip on my shoulders, and her face was etched with an expression of worry and terror. We were still in the garden.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!"

I scrambled away from her until my back hit the cold, hard stones of the fountain. My gaze darted around the clearing. The monsters were gone. There was no blood. No gore. Just the gentle gurgle of the fountain, and the stench of lavender. I was breathing heavily. My entire body was trembling. I looked down at my arms, at my stomach. They were fine. I was... fine.

"Lynette I... I... Wh-... Are you alright?"

I tried to speak, but all that came out was a choked sob. I was crying. I couldn't stop. I just sat there, huddled against the fountain, weeping. Mina slowly approached me, but all I could see was a monster.

I backed up further, and further, and further as she inched closer.

"Get away from me!"

She stopped. She just stood there, a few feet away from me, her hands were raised in a gesture of peace.

"I need you to tell me whats wrong, so I can help you."

"I don't want your help! J-just get the fuck away from me!" I didn't want to be near her. I didn't want her to touch me.

Mina's face softened. She didn't come any closer. She just stood there, watching me. After a moment, she lowered her hands.

"I want to go back to my room. I-I can't do this."

I tried to stand up, but my legs gave out from under me. I collapsed back onto the ground with a thud. I was a mess. And I...

Why?

Why did I do that?

I can't.

I can't think.

"Lynette?"

I ignored her. I just tried to get up again, but my hooves were shaking so badly I could barely support my own weight. Mina took another step towards me.

"I'm not going to hurt you." She said. "I promise."

"I don't believe you."

She sighed. "Alright. I'm not going to come any closer. But... I can't leave you here like this. I'm going to call for Rylan."

"No. Don't. I'm..."

"We can leave if you'd like, I just need you to tell me what happened, okay?"

"..."

"Lynette?"

"I..."

I don't know.

And I... I can't... I can't stop crying. My face is wet. My throat hurts.

I tried to get up again, and this time I managed to wobble over to the bench. I sat down, and I just put my head in my hands.

It was quiet for a long time. Mina had eventually sat back down on the bench and began caressing my back. I didn't really want her to touch me, but it was comforting, so I just let her. After a few minutes, my sobbing subsided, and I was able to speak.

"I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I..."

"Take your time. I am not going anywhere."

"I just... I was trying to think of a safe place and then... A-and..."

"Go on..."

"It was... White. And then it turned red. And... There were monsters. They... They were trying to eat me."

Mina's caressing slowed. "Monsters?"

"Taijekan. But... they were all messed up. Their faces were falling off. And they were... biting me. Ripping me apart."

"I see."

"I couldn't do anything. I couldn't move. I couldn't scream. And... I just... I just had to watch them eat me." I sniffled. "And then I... I opened my eyes, and you were there. And I thought you were one of them."

"...I see."

"..."

"I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"Don't be."

"Are you mad at me?"

"Of course not." She said.

We sat there for a while longer. The fountain was still gurgling... The birds were still chirping... The sun was still warm on my fur... But it didn't feel peaceful anymore. It felt... menacing. Like the monsters were still out there, hiding in the shadows. Waiting.

They were.

"Lynette?"

"Huh?"

"Have you... Have you ever had a nightmare like that before?"

"...I can't answer that."

"Why not?" Mina asked.

"I'm not allowed."

"Not allowed by who?"

"Myself." I said. "I don't want to talk about myself."

"So you won't let yourself talk about yourself?"

"I... I just don't like myself."

"Why?"

"I just don't." I said. "I'm not a good person."

"I suppose, but its good to talk about your feelings. Bottling them up can't be good for you." She said. "Even if it doesn't change the past, it can still help you understand the present."

"It doesn't really matter."

"I think it does. I think it matters a lot."

"You would."

"It is my job after all." She took her hand off my back and sat up. "Let me ask you something, Lynette. If you're comfortable answering."

"Maybe."

"What are you afraid of?"

I didn't have to think about that. The answer came to me instantly. But I didn't want to say it. Saying it out loud would make it real.

"Lynette?"

I took a deep breath. I had to be honest. Not with her, but with myself.

"The monsters." I said. "I'm afraid of the monsters."

"The ones from your dream?"

"No." I said. "The real ones."

"...Ah. That's... not an unusual thing to be afraid of. Ferocks is... definitely a scary thing to think about."

"Yeah."

"To become nothing more than a rabid beast? Sapience is such a gift in this world, and Ferocks just... takes it away. The worst part is that its so quick. You could be fine one day, and then the next, you're just... gone."

"Mhm."

"Rylan mentioned a bit about that in your reports. That you're... hostile towards taijekan. But... I can't imagine you hate them, or even that you're afraid of them all, are you? The Ferocks... They are but a small fraction of a very large and diverse group. I'm Taijekan. Rylan's Taijekan. You're not afraid of us, are you?"

"..."

"Well, I'd like to think you're not." She said.

"You've seen my background."

"I have. I know why you're here, but look at me, I'm talking to you, sitting next to you. I'm not being strangled, you're not brushing me off. We're having a conversation. That... that doesn't seem like the kind of person your background makes you out to be. You know?"

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"I want you to be honest."

"About what?"

"Yourself." She said. "You're quite the walking contradiction y'know. So sure of yourself in your reports, then so... so timid and scared in person."

"I was definitely meaner before. Now... I'm just tired. Too lazy to do much of anything, really. I was angry before. But I'm not angry anymore. I've just... mellowed out."

"Do you still believe in your ideology?" Mina asked. "That's quite a thing to just... 'mellow out' from. Its not a favorite color, it's a... it's a worldview. A way of life. A belief system that has shaped your entire existence. I find it hard to believe you could just... 'mellow out' from that." Mina said. "I can't imagine you just... waking up one morning and thinking 'y'know, I think I was wrong about that whole 'Taijekan are a blight on society' thing'."

"All I can think about is when I get to eat next. Or when I get to go to sleep. Or when I get to go back to my room." I said. "I... I can't be bothered to think about all of that right now."

"But you have thought about it. I know you have."

"Of course I have." I said. "I... I think about it every day."

"And?"

"And nothing."

"So you're telling me that you, a person who has spent their entire life hating an entire group of people for no reason other than... well, for no reason at all, has suddenly decided to just... stop hating them? Just like that?"

"Its not 'no reason,' I have... yeah, have my reasons."

"And is it because of Ferocks?" She asked. "The 'real monsters' you mentioned. Is that why you're afraid of them all?"

"Its complicated." I said.

"Then elaborate." She said. "I'm not here to judge you, Lynette. I'm here to help you. And I can't do that if you're not going to be honest with me."

"And why should I be honest with you? What's in it for me?"

"Nothing. Not everything is quid pro quo."

"Nothing."

"Well, not really nothing. But its less materialistic and more emotional." Mina said. "There's a certain kind of... peace, that comes with being honest. Not just with me, but with yourself. And you, Lynette, you're in desperate need of some peace."

I didn't say anything. I just stared at the fountain, watching the water cascade down the tiers. The little droplets caught the sunlight, and for a moment, they looked like a million tiny diamonds.

"I've had nightmares like those before." I started. "Although they never felt as visceral or... terrifying for that matter. I would just be... sad." I paused for a moment, trying to find the right words. "I don't know."

I could feel Mina's eyes on me. Waiting for me to continue. I cleared my throat.

"I've seen them." I whispered. "The real ones. The ones with Ferocks."

Mina leaned in closer. "Where?"

"..."

"Lynette, where did you see them?"

"...It..."

...

...

"aaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"

...

...

...

I was huddled against Mina. I just stared at the floor. I wasn't crying, or... really doing much of anything. I was staring. Staring. Staring. Staring. At the floor. At a spot on the floor. I don't know why. I just... couldn't look away. I was... I was present, but not really there. I was somewhere else. Somewhere else entirely.

Mina was quiet. I think she was processing everything still.

"I guess that's it." I said. "I guess that's my 'no reason'." My voice was empty.

Mina just put her arm around me and pulled me closer. She didn't say anything. She just held me. We sat in silence for a long time. I didn't move. I didn't speak. I just stared at the spot on the floor.

Eventually, I found myself wrapping my own arms around her. I don't know why. It just... felt right. I hugged her. I held her like she was the only thing keeping me from falling apart. Because she was. She was.

She hugged me tighter in response.

"After that I could remember police? I think? There were a lot of people there. They... killed it. Packed it away in a bag, along with the guide... They never found Liam."

I had to pause. "No pieces. No bones. Just... gone." I took a breath. "A long time had passed before they tried looking for him again. All they could find were teeth. No idea if it was his or some animal. That's all they identified."

"Then dad got really sick. It bit him, I think. He got so sick he couldn't leave bed. Mom didn't take his passing very well. She tried to keep it together for me, but... she couldn't. We moved. A lot. She said we were 'running' but from what, I don't know. Then one day I came home from school and... she was just. Hanging."

I let out a shaky breath. "Then I went into the system. That's where the hate started. Everyone in the system was already kind of racist. Then I made some 'friends', and it all just... escalated from there. I'm not even sure if I was ever even truly hateful. I just... I wanted to show that if something ever happened again, I could fight back. That I could stop it. That I could do something. That I wouldn't just stand there. Frozen. Doing nothing. I just... I didn't want to be helpless anymore."

"I didn't want to see another Taijekan face again. People started thinking I was weird. I didn't like that nobody understood. So I doubled down. And it made me feel good. To have people listen to me. I had... control."

I let out a sigh. "And now... I'm here. In the body of the very thing I came to fear. Ironic, isn't it?"

"It's tragic." Mina said. "It's deeply tragic. I... I don't know if I have words, Lynette. I am so sorry."

"Don't be." I said. "I didn't tell you that for your pity." I pulled away from her.

"I know." Mina said. "But I am anyway. To go through all that... then to end up here... It's a miracle you're even sane."

Sane.

...

...

...

I wasn't sure I agreed with that assessment.